things are looking up

…oh, finally! (click here for the song, maybe it doesn’t fit perfectly, but it’s in my head a lot these days).
For various reasons I have been leaving a very substantial part of my everyday life out of this blog: my job. For one, this is a blog about photography and whatever else I feel like doing on the creative side of things and also, you just never know who might be reading this.

Some of you might remember this post a couple of months back, right after I finished my thesis. The 3-month internship I mentioned did in fact turn into a real job pretty quickly, but that was about the only thing right about that job. That, and my two lovely colleagues (hi girls!), who pretty much helped me through every day.
When you get your first real job after college you are excited, hopeful, motivated, eager and a bit anxious to get it right. You don’t set yourself up for failure. When things get off to a tough start, you think “I’ll just need to put in even more effort”, “It’ll start being fun once I get my first paycheck”, “It takes time to adapt to this different environment”, “It’ll start to feel right in no time”.

When it doesn’t, doubts start bubbling to the surface. “Is it me or is it really them?”, “Am I not doing this good enough or is it really just impossible to do it right?”.
I wanted this to work so badly. As arrogant as that sounds, but I am not used to failure. All my life, I’ve stayed true to the motto “where there’s a will there’s a way”. But no will would make me like to go to work to be yelled at every day, to be pressured to treat both clients and employees in a way I don’t feel comfortable with and to feel out of my depth with the things demanded of me.

I guess sometimes it takes an experience like that to realize who you are professionally and act accordingly. When it happens on your first real job, tough luck. I’ll admit the last few months were pretty hard on me and it was starting to affect me physically as well. After a lot of thinking and talking with about everyone who would listen and countless rejections for job applications, I decided to quit and put my energy into looking for a new job, even if it meant an unknown number of months unemployment.

But then my luck turned and the one serious job interview I had turned into an offer to start on 1 December! It will be a completely different environment, a completely different line of business and a new start in a very exciting workplace.
Thanks to everyone who read this to the end! Wish me better luck this time!

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15 thoughts on “things are looking up

  1. Raven

    Oh good! Work, while, work, shouldn’t be complete misery. So glad you trusted yourself to make the right decision. But seriously, you should be making money off your photos…….your so good! 🙂

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    1. tidytipsy

      Thanks Raven 🙂 It’s note easy to trust yourself with such a decision, I am thankful for all the support here and so glad that in the end it all worked out as it should!

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  2. Lynda

    So sorry that your first real job has been such a pain. Good luck with this new adventure and remember everything is a learning experience and teaches us valuable lessons (even if we don’t want them!). I’ll be sending good vibs your way for this new job. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. tidytipsy

      Yeah, I can’t say I was eager for that lesson but I can’t say I’m sorry to have learned it either. Still, hoping for a much better start now 🙂 Thanks Lynda!

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  3. Kai

    Da brauch ich dir nicht viel Glück zu wünschen, du machst das schon. Freut mich sehr für dich 🙂

    PS: Dein Bild ist super als Wallpaper

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  4. Maren

    Way to go !

    Always keep trusting in yourself, thats the one essential thing ! Imagine how quickly you figured out what happened (even on the first job!), and then you even took the healthy consequence – some people might have stayed for years before they even understand- or never understand. Or never dare to step out.

    YOU ARE SO GOOD !!! 🙂

    Im happy for you ! I hope the december job will make up for the trouble you had with this one 🙂

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    1. tidytipsy

      Thank you!!! Still never an easy decision…should you stick it out for a couple more months or should you be consequent once you realise this isn’t working and this isn’t good for me. I am so so glad things turned out the way they did!

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  5. Rosamaría

    oh! I’, very happy for you!!
    I know what have a bad job means, but when you make a change everything changes with you and the bad experience just will be like something far away from you…and after all you’ll see it helped you to be a better person…

    I’m sure you will be great!

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    1. tidytipsy

      It’s amazing how much a bad job can weigh you down and make you unsure of yourself, not a nice feeling. I hope I can distance myself from it very soon, thanks Rosamaria!

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  6. Victoria Bennett Beyer

    Sometimes your values just don’t match up to the values of your workplace. That is a hard lesson to learn on your first job, though, and I’m sorry it was a bad experience. But I am hopeful that your new job will be a much better fit. Good luck!!!

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    1. tidytipsy

      Yep, in the end it mostly came down to that: a bad fit.
      I can have personal values very different from those of my co-workers, but that doesn’t affect my work (for instance, I pretty much refuse to talk environmental issues and especially animal welfare with some people, telling them that we will certainly disagree with each other but that nothing they can say will change my view on those topics and that I simply don’t care to either defend myself or try to persuade others all the time).
      But when values clash on professional topics there is no easy way out. Being young and inexperienced doesn’t mean I can’t stand my ground. I know myself and I like myself that way. I am always open to be won around by example, but sometimes the only reasonable consequence can be to part ways. Not as easy as it sounds, all that. Thanks Victoria!!

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  7. Pingback: so close « tidytipsy.photography

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